08:19

Another week comes, and back to the loop!

I've been a bit frustrated in how it looks like "we lost the battle" and social networks are pretty weird now. It's hard to hang out with people since everyone ends up having to be a "micro-influencer" or something, since a lot of jobs nowadays depends on visibility and reaching other people. I might be isolated from friends and that makes me feel this, but I'm not sure.

Things are weird. Sometimes I feel a urge to make new content on Youtube, like if it was my mission to teach people about subjects that I've been learning and am interested with. But at the same time, I keep questioning myself whether it's a true desire or just the system intoxicating me. And I really enjoy writing out things, reading and having peaceful moments around different places and above all, creating, discovering and/or learning (not sure if there's a pattern here, but usually is what brings me most pleasure doing).

It seems to me that I struggle to understand some things without it being practical and I don't like using off-the-shelt solutions for some problems, often trying to discover how things work by experimenting and analysing them. Maybe this just works like this because I believe that? But often I catch myself doing things like analysing how the coffee machine works, or making my own implementation of something after reading about it without any reference (e.g.: the chunk system which I thought I had nailed it, how naive hehe :P)

Usually parts of the process are the most interesting part, when I'm still obsessed with something. When I do manage to complete something, it doesn't feel so satisfying until I can see it "working for someone else": if it's food, when someone I like eats it. If it's a game, when there's a gameplay of it or the person plays in front of me.

But I am an overthinker and too picky, when I know that something is not good for my standards, it's hard to accept it and move on. The fact is that the problem is only within me, because when I see the exactly same thing made by someone else, it looks amazing. Well, spitting this out may be helpful somehow. So thanks, diary (?)

Oof. I have a lot of tests to take this week and the remaining intelligence one is the one that is most concerning to me. I have a feeling that if it was "proven" that I am too intelligent I could be validated somehow and I would be satisfyied to feel it's ok for me to not feel fit for the world. Am I actually a narcissist? I hope not, since have enough self-awareness to assume I'm just mediocre in most stuff. But it would be nice to know some "reason" for being this way.

17:24

Just finished a technical interview. I'm not actively looking for another job since mine is good — although I get paid by invoiced hours instead of a fixed salary and this bothers me a lot.

I think I bombed on the systems design interview, but it was pretty good to do that with more confidence due to 1) knowing more than I did last one and 2) not actually "needing" it. It's something pretty sad to say, I don't want to waste anyone time (even mine, of course!), but things such as leet code and hackerrank are bullshit if I can't talk to people and hold technical discussions. It works more for me doing something for real than forcing myself to do presentations to the void or someone who's not interested on it.

Other than that, I really liked that people there seem really interested in being there and looks like a good environment (but it always do…) I don't wanna be a job hopper. I just want to work on my stuff…

Talking about my stuff: CHUNK SYSTEM WORKS FOR REAL NOW!!!

Next step is to make a simple Scene-Entity-Component (or something like that) based on NEZ

The server code right now looks like shit but once I have it working I can make it a bit cleaner and nicer